When something serious happens in your life, such as an accident or an illness, you may want to consider a renewal of your wedding vows in a renewal or second wedding ceremony. On such an occasion, here are some things to consider for inclusion in your vows and your renewal ceremony:
- You want to make a simple affirmation of the love you have for one another.
- You want to acknowledge that life is hard and good.
- You want to acknowledge the change in circumstances and the need for each of you, to the best of your ability, to stay aware of one another's needs and the centrality of the marriage.
- What are the values you have leaned on in your marriage up until now that you will need even more strongly as you cope with what life has handed you?
- What values might you need to incorporate?
- Do you have models and mentors for those values?
- Whoever is planning the ceremony must speak to the need for the community's support and involvement. The statement that marriages grounded in community do better when there is a community of support is never stronger or more meaningful than when you're in the midst of life's challenges. Remember that your community wants to support you, you just need to give them some clues about how to do that best.
- You also want to celebrate. Life is good, despite the long haul ahead; you are alive, in love and in one another's company. You are at the center of a loving community. Life can seem overwhelming, so it's important to lift up what is good. (But in a real way, not in a way that denies how difficult and painful life is. Marriage requires reality as well as commitment.)
- Allow the passion that has been between you to flare. Passion is not simply about sex. And you both need to remember the flame that burns at the heart of your marriage.
- Model to the world what good marriages are and do.
- Recall the happiness of your wedding day in your renewal wedding ceremony as you face the challenges of today.
A ceremony like this will have to be pulled together fairly quickly. It should be simple rather than elaborate. You might want to enlist your community's support to gather your community and plan the event. Remember: you deserve this support and celebration! If you have a spiritual leader, presumably he or she will already be involved in your life. You want a careful conversation with your celebrant about how to frame the wedding vows you and your beloved will exchange, renew and augment.
It's easy to assume that this is the wrong time to celebrate and refocus. That there is no time, and that the time will be right later. But if there's anything that any of us know, there is only now that we can count on. Such a ceremony often gives the injured partner the opportunity to feel like an active participant in his or her life and not just a sick person. It will help caregivers realize that this is a person, not a patient.
Love is always enhanced by being stated. Get the support you need, and remember what is true at the heart of your marriage by creating a vow renewal ceremony even as your marriage is being transformed by outside forces. You didn't come this far not to keep going with your own flare and commitment.
Bottom Line?: Give your relationship the chance it deserves to succeed wildly, against all odds! After all, you deserve it. Your relationship deserves it! And now I'd like to invite you to sign up to receive 2 free templates for creating the wedding ceremony of your dreams, the wedding vows of your heart and the marriage of a lifetime: http://annkeelerevans.org/weddings/free
The Rev. Ann Keeler Evans - helping you move from "I do" to happily and healthily ever after!
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